I want to talk about being an individual. When I hear this I automatically think it’s natural, easy, and a no brainer! It kind of is in a sense, but it often becomes much harder in practice. I think it’s mostly because the real world is full of political case by case situations, in which you, the individual, have to fold or mold yourself in order to appease someone else. Even more often, I’ve noticed I am the one that puts this imaginary burden to please others on myself.
I wonder how often this happens for you?
I’m guessing pretty often because it can happen in small intervals throughout the day till the point you realize you didn’t do anything you actually wanted to do or that made you happy OR in huge chunks where you feel the weight of the people pleasing immediately.
As always I just want to be more aware. Idk If this is something everyone wants, but it doesn’t hurt.
My biggest jump towards being my greatest like pleasing myself and being the individual I know I am, was on my birthday.I did everything that made me happy. I treated myself to gifts (for my house and myself) and I took myself out to great new places that I had yet explored. It was wonderful. A little bit uncomfortable at first but overwhelmingly liberating and exciting in the end.
It was hard at first since I am one who loves people so doing things with or for others is fun to me also because I enjoy experiencing new things, learning, blah blah.. but when it comes to my plans I’ve noticed time and time again that I don’t really have the same type of support I feel I extend to others and I end up being frustrated and/or let down.
Now with that said, I’ve also realized that these kinds of frustrations stem from a little bit of dependency. (No, its not bad to depend on the people you care about, but the people you care about should def be apart of the give and take that is a relationship) but in the long run, everyone’s path’s are different and that means that sometimes you have to go it alone.
a few side thoughts on going it alone.
1. It feels lonely at first ..(because you’re training your independence muscle)
2. You may have to force yourself to do it.. (because you’re only company will be yourself and the new stranger friends you meet)
3. You will end up meeting people interested in your activities
4. You will be fulfilled in the end.. (because it will become a habit to engage yourself in things you enjoy)
5. Your friends new and old will see your spark and you will be able to be a brighter light/life to those around you
I think in general the idea of being and individual who knows what they want, who they are, and is not afraid to do it with no help is a scary thing sometimes. Especially if you grew up a certain way or had experiences that make you comfortable to lean on people.
The only problem is leaning on people too much that you stifle your own growth.
For me.. I’ve been in tons of situations where I didn’t do something I wanted to do because someone wouldn’t/couldn’t come with me.
I love sharing so being in a position to share my interests is wonderful. However, letting others determine my experiences and in the end, my overall happiness is UNACCEPTABLE.
I also have a few more thoughts on being an individual
1. It may feel selfish (doing things for yourself, but balance your relationships too)
2. You will feel more confident
3. You will be more self sustaining (making your own decisions and trusting your choices)
4. You will notably more accountable (because you take responsibility for your choices)
5. You’ll have more to offer
6. You will be happier (did I say that already?)
I know for us people pleasers, shape shifters, social thrill seekers, experience addicts.. this is a challenge to focus on yourself. But I’ve also noticed that giving everyone else your valuable (YES, Valuable) time is a waste if you are constantly feeding the interests of others and not investing in yourself and who you are as a person. The individuality that made you an interesting friend in the 1st place is slowly going to become the thing people wonder about as they go on to live and be who they want to be.
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What is the last thing you did alone, solely for yourself?
or
When was the last time you treated yourself?
(Please feel free to answer these ponder questions at the end of each blog post, in the comment box, I’d love to get feedback and insight)
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