OK… so relationship, gone wrong, gone worse, gone break up! And now you are on the rebound or back in action or on the prowl. My rule of thumb in a nutshell is.. If you’ve been emotionally damaged by a relationship, you have to climb out of the emotional funk before you find yourself in a more fulfilling relationship.. (P.s. It’s always going to get better if you are learning from you past mistakes! keep it up!)
Well, I’ve had this theory for quite some time and I am pretty sure it’s solid. I mean it may not be, let’s be honest, but I also think there is some truth to it in any case. Idk where to start!
So, for the stages building up to a new beautiful relationship..
Like a ruler there are milestones and stepping stones.. lol but I’m still serious
0….I….1….I….2 <- Can you notice the milestones? hopefully after this it will be more clear.In my theory you won’t really have another meaningful relationship (and yes, the bad relationship/the sucky person you were in love with was meaningful! deal with that first) until you go thru the stepping stones and milestone people who matter to your overall growth in intimacy, because, basically you have to be reintroduced to loving and being in love and caring and so on and so on….
let’s start with 0.
you have broken up with X and are at the point where you’re interested in seeing your options. This is when you are mentally unstable.. yes unstable! lol I’ve been there.. It’s no fun, but what transition is? Ok. so I think you are in a place where your self esteem is a little shot (maybe a lot) because X was the worst and didn’t appreciate you… blah blah ___insert issues with X here___. Well good news is the fact that you are interested in your options makes you ready for some stepping stones..
…. <- those are they
These people are the ones that are kind of like flings, but they don’t have to be sexual. They stimulate you in a nice way, BUT NOT FULLY!, and they build your self esteem because they recognize all the beauty and wonder within you…
THEN! you meet the MILESTONE ….I
This is stage 1 (even though in my ruler analogy it’s like .5.. whatevs)
This is the person who you like but ehhhh not that much, but said person is crazy about you! Stage 1’s are going to boost your self esteem to the max! Afterwards, you may even feel cocky! LOOK AT YOU! well before that happens remember you went thru the few (…’s ) that helped you notice you were worth something.
I mean X really did some damage, but the light at the end of the tunnel shows up when this stage 1 shows up because.. its a person you could consider being in a relationship with although they don’t really have everything you need in a partner. I’m talking about a serious consideration. Not an attention craving one.
ok so Stage 1 doesn’t work out.. Not because it was a bad thing, but because it wasn’t supposed to. Stage 1 is just part of the process to get to the relationship that is good for the new you (who isn’t really developed at this point)
….1
Stage 2!!
This to me is the fun stage, but for no reason! lol maybe I’m weird. In stage 2 you are going to like this person more than they like you, BUT! you will still vibe very well and chemistry will be strong! Another serious candidate for relationship. But even more so because they actually have the qualities you look for in someone. MINUS~! the ability to like you back the way you like them =( see why I’m crazy… It’s fun to be into someone though =)
Either way, stage 2’s are the ones that almost resemble a relationship, but for some reason it doesn’t work out and you are left confused again! what?! ….YUP! This is when you realize your ability to love again! you are sure that if stage 2 gave you what you needed you would be the best partner in the world, You’d be tremendously happy.. (add unicorns and daydreams!)
BUT!
Nope, this still isn’t the person to be in a relationship with.. Because remember you are still getting over X, although they are just a vague memory, you are still healing..
THEN!!
….I or Stage 3!
Now is the time to let go of inhibition (you’re probs ready for it anyway) and continue down love lane.
Stage 3 is your next relationship. Although you may ease into it or be cautious (you have the right to be)… it does sneak up and attack you and because you’ve had all your previous training you can now, Love in return, Accept Love, and Love wholeheartedly. awww
I guess what could be confusing in this instance is who are the milestones (Stages) and who are the stepping stones (…’s) Well I think each person knows for themself because who can tell you what you like/want/desire/need better than you!
Idk you may not agree, but I only bring it up because it has happened in my own life and in others I am friends with. Feel free to offer opinions on my theory… but I think of it pretty highly because after a breakup there are always the partners who help us heal all the way up until we meet someone who builds our healed self and helps us grow! awww again
Can you recognize the milestones in your life? If so or if not, what changes have you noticed in yourself as you move onward and upward from the X??
Comments